November 19, 2016

Boundaries 101

Basic boundaries are a great way to help you lead a successful life. Here we review the basics of boundaries and what they can do for you.

1) Boundaries are limits you set up actually for yourself.

2) Boundaries help define you and your identity.

3) Boundaries are not about changing other people.

4) They are about letting other people suffer the negative consequences for their negative actions.

5) Boundaries are not walls. They are not set to cut people off.

6) Boundaries help you stop giving people too much power. They are really about setting limits on yourself and telling people what you will and will not put up with.

7) Boundaries can have windows and doors, doors that are locked and closed doors that are locked but the other person can has the key. You could also have windows that are open, clear and closed, opaque or clear that you can open from the inside, etc.. Metaphorically you have a lot of options.

8) Boundaries must be communicated clearly. Without this they cannot be seen or heard.

9) Boundaries must express what you stand for not just what you are against.

10) We must be free to say no before we can whole heartedly say yes.

11) Boundaries are about self-respect without disrespecting others.

 

12) Four problematic boundary stances.

 

Compliants: Saying yes to the bad. Complaint people do not say no to bad things in their life. They do not guard their hearts.

 

Avoidants: These people say no to the good in their life. They withdraw from good things and healthy need.

 

Controllers: Not respecting other peoples boundaries. This is an intrusive or controlling person that tries to manipulate others. They show little respect for other people.

 

Non-responsive: These people do not hear or see the needs of others. They will not feel responsible to others for helping with needs.

 

Have people hold you accountable, pray and get in the Word about boundaries. At first it will be hard, but soon you will find your life will be easier.

 

See:

Boundaries. When to Say Yes and When Say No, to Take Control of Your Life. – Cloud and Townsend.