Five Communication Types

1) The Blamer

Words:   Disagreeing, Shaming, Puts responsibility of feelings on others : “You never do anything right,  What’s a matter with you , You make me sick, You’re wrong, stupid, lazy, mean, etc..”

Body: Tense, pointing, hostile look, One Up position

Inside: Lonely, unsuccessful, mad at self, guilt, shame, overwhelmed, feels fear/threatened, can’t contain emotions like pain, anxiety or shame.


2) The Distracter:

Words: Irrelevant ( Makes no sense ) Like Woody on Cheers.

Body: Angular and off somewhere else

Inside: Nobody cares, I don’t belong to anybody, I don’t fit


3) The Placator

Words: Just agrees: “What ever you want, what ever makes you happy, I just want peace”

Body: Submissive, One Down position

Insides: “I’m helpless, I feel like nothing without him/her or without their approval”


4) The Computer

Words: Hyper-logical, only describes problem: “If one were to see just how wrong this is, they would change their behavior”

Body: Stiff, cool, calm, seems collected

Insides: “I’m feeling vulnerable, out of control around my own impulses and feelings”


5) The Leveler

Words: Honest, congruent without harshness: “I felt hurt when you brought up my past blunders at work”

Body: Relaxed, interested, “I want to hear you and be heard by you”

Insides: “It’s important to me to express my feelings, wants, thoughts, needs and desires and hear from others too”


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